you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
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