I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
