Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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