i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
