really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
