Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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