Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
