I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
