Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
