Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
