if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Duck Duck Cougar?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize