His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
This show inspires me to have sex in space
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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