On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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