Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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