do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Randomize
