everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
