Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
