Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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