Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
