I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize