Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I could make wine with my vomit
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
