Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
