Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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