I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
