Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
