wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
