i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I AM VODKA MAN
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
