this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
