CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
