Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
