I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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