So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
The power of my boobs compel you
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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