Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Randomize
