Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Dear god my vagina.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
