I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
