All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
