my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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