i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
