When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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