i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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