Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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