went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
