I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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