i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
