you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
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