fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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