saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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