two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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