I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
