I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
