oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
