Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
