So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
