My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
