just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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