I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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