Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
You made out with two different species that night
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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