I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
