My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
