Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
