i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
