The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
