I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
