You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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