He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
