And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
