Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
