it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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