I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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