I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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