I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
smell my finger.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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